... or ditch the old ones. Really, there is something to be said for a little housecleaning every now and then...
With that in mind, what does it mean to be someone's friend? Why is it so difficult to maintain (not to mention make) friendships after the age of 25-ish? Are all people simply jerks in the end?
It seems as if the older we get, the more difficult it is to maintain friendships, especially with those we connected with long ago and now find that connection to be fraying. Let's face it -- things change. Perhaps in order to fully understand/accept this fact, it may be helpful to look at how we develop friendships throughout the years:
1. childhood friends. Many of these start very early. They usually involve a fight over a shovel in the sandbox or the need to have someone push you on the swingset. In reality it's often you, the kids, who bring your parents together and if the 'rents get along and start socializing, you will find yourself forced to spend time with this other child at picnics, birthday parties, vacations, etc. I call this a friendship of proximity (and perhaps to some extent this type of friendship transcends time -- which is to say not a specific friendship, but Friendship as a whole -- do we not simply affiliate and grow an affinity for those who we spend the majority of our time with and are not these relationships governed by accessibility?). Furthermore, as children, we certainly have no political views, for example, over which to conflict. When our worst problems are poopy pants and arguing over whose mommy packs the best lunch, we can get along with mostly anyone.
2. junior high school friendships. Ladies, let's be honest. Who really had a true friend in junior high? We were mostly too busy talking behind each other's backs, deciding who to align oneself with in the lunchroom and worrying about whether or not people knew when we had our periods to even bother ourselves with so-called "friends". The only criterion a girl had to meet to be your friend in junior high school was that she had to be willing to rush into the bathroom during a school dance to stand around and watch you cry over Johnny Heartbreaker, the boy you had a crush on who had been slow-dancing with that bitch Suzy McSluttypants all night.
3. high school friends. You have survived junior high school and now you have made your way into what you can only assume is the biggest part of the proverbial sea of life (of course you are categorically incorrect in this assumption, but what do you know about life when you are between the ages of 14 and 18 anyway?). You are out on your own, swimming with the sharks! As a little fish, your only option is to find some slightly bigger/stronger/prettier fish to swim around with. This is the key to making friends in high school. If you are lucky, you are cute enough that the cute girls let you hang around with them. If you are athletic (and good at your chosen sport) you can rest assured that your team will protect you. Even band geeks seem to form a united front. Just don't find yourself wading into those deep waters on your own. It's about survival, folks, and we all know what we call the little fishy playing in the water all alone: "lunch".
4. college friends. Once you have gotten over the shock of having left everything/everyone you know and (think you) love for the wild world of dorm/university life, you will probably come to a few startling revelations: a. You are a dork. Even if you thought you were cool in high school you really weren't. You were a dork and you are STILL a dork. b. There are people who come to this realization a little later in life (and still some that never do). These are dorks who don't know they are dorks. c. Booze is the great equalizer. It enables dorks and those who don't think they are dorks but are dorks to find a sense of comraderie. It also leads to making out, but that is an issue for another post. The problem arises when the booze wears off. At this point those who don't think they are dorks but actually are dorks may turn into any combination of the following: mean/ugly/flighty/catty/two-faced. They will probably exhibit behavior akin to that of those girls one used to hang out with in junior high school. I have yet to account for the reason behind this regression. The solution? Stay drunk at all times in college. You will be very, very popular. And you will probably make out with a lot of people. You slut.
5. post-collegiate friendships. Congratulations! You have finally graduated to the "real world", a world in which people can handle mature relationships and balance that with appropriate office etiquette, excellent driving skills, husbands, wives, children, vacations, grocery shopping, taxes, electric bills, the stock market, oil changes, alarm clocks, etc. Of course, the abovementioned "real world" only exists if you live in a 1950's sitcom. For most of us, that "real life" thing hits us with the grace of an elephant on roller skates. It's a rat race/neverending puzzle/shitstorm/pickyourmetaphor and hold on. And to muck it all up even more, those close friends you thought you had have all gotten married/had kids/joined a convent/moved to Canada. Maybe you have gotten married/had kids/joined a convent/moved to Canada. At any rate, it becomes harder and harder to maintain those friendships you swore you'd never give up on. It becomes easier and easier to stay in on Friday night with your honey instead of meeting up with the "crew"/"forget" to call someone back/watch an entire season of "Project Runway" in one sitting instead of inviting someone over for dinner. And let's not even get into those "friends" who suddenly decide they don't like the way you've started living your life and decide to TELL you how you should...
So, Rocket, you say, What's the solution? Well, kids, the trick is to find people who aren't jerks. Also, finding people who enjoy the same activities as you is also helpful. Actually, you don't even have to enjoy the same activities -- it's usually enough to just participate in similar activities. Also, booze never stops working. It's a fact. And finally, remember not to be a jerk yourself. If someone calls you, call them back, even if it's to say you're too busy to chat/hang. Be honest, but keep your opinions to yourself. Make time to connect. And start a blog. Follow these rules and you'll never fail. Just remember, your love will get you through. Witness:
rockethutchinsonhighway: i'm writing a piece for the blog on making/keeping friends. i hope you don't mind (I know you have been thinking about this).
Sara*: you bitch!
rockethutchinsonhighway: haha
Sara*: just kidding - obvi
rockethutchinsonhighway: our friendship is over , isn't it?
Sara*: go right ahead sister. you should add this to your post
rockethutchinsonhighway:i will
Sara*: ha
(Please note: Rocket Hutchinson Highway and Sara* are still BFF after the previous exchange. True friends? For sure.)
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